How I Spent My First Valentine's Day After Getting Divorced

Couples clinking champagne glasses, coworkers opening up flower deliveries…when you feel surrounded by the romance of the holiday, distraction can be an effective coping mechanism. For psychologist Nikki Martinez, who was working on her doctorate when she divorced, the answer to Valentine’s Day celebrations as a single woman was focusing extra attention on her career. "I spent my first Valentine's Day post-divorce in 9 straight hours of class. Not very romantic, not very exciting, but definitely focused and working toward the goals I had promised myself I was going to achieve pre- and post-divorce. I think the fact that I was so busy, and that I was busy doing something positive and growth fulfilling for me, made it a positive experience," Martinez says. (Read how five different women asked their partners for a divorce.)

When you're divorced, you can do what you want, when you want—no need to check in with your partner before making plans. Ellen Davis went to dinner and drinks with her single friends on the first Valentine's Day after her divorce, and she felt liberated. "We had a good time, with lots of laughs, and I didn't mind being single. I actually felt like it was meant to be because I had been in a relationship for so long. I had a renewed freedom and was looking forward to the adventures ahead. There were several other singles out that night so that made it more interesting and fun."

E.J. Smith, a therapist, divorced in May, so by the time Valentine's Day rolled around—9 months later—she had already gone through a lot of the healing process and was dating again. "My first Valentine's Day after my divorce was a Tuesday—yes, I checked," says Smith. "So I don't believe I did anything particularly amazing that night. The weekend prior, a couple I was friends with had a little cocktail and 'adult cookie decorating' party at their home. It was really fun! Divorce is an exhausting and very sad process, but the self-discovery that came as a result was rejuvenating in its own right.”

After 12 years of marriage, Jeanette Widensky, from Staten Island, NY, separated just a month ahead of Valentine's Day. To top it off, the holiday fell on her husband's weekend to have the kids. "Needless to say, it was an emotional weekend, so I knew I had to make a decision: either go out, which I hadn't done in years, or stay in and hide. I opted for the latter. But I made it fun: I bought myself a bag of heart-shaped gummy candy and a bottle of wine and made myself a ham and cheese omelette—the most perfect one, I may add! I closed the blinds, turned on Netflix, ate my omelette, drank my wine, and pigged out on my Valentine's candy," remembers Widensky. (Chocolate doesn't have to be bad for you. Here's your body on dark chocolate.)

"It was honestly the best Valentine's Day I had had in years. In the end, we are the only ones who know how to make us happy. Somewhere I even have a picture of my dinner for one, because in a way it was my gift to myself, and proof I was going to be all right, even after this storm." (Check out this Prevention Premium story on The Amazing Thing That Happened When This Mother Of 4 Told Her Family She Was Gay.)

For Jordan Brown (name changed for privacy), her first Valentine's Day as a single person since childhood was an opportunity to nourish her soul and reconnect with her favorite activities. "I slept in, then I went to a spa where I had a massage, facial, and mani/pedi. Afterward, I went to a movie. It was a Nicholas Sparks film, and even though I knew it would make me cry, I wanted to see a love story that would give me hope for the future. After the movie, I went to a nice dinner at a German restaurant. I knew it would be intimidating eating alone on Valentine's Day, but you know what? It felt oddly satisfying knowing that I didn't stay inside and feel bad for myself. Instead, I did the things I love and treated myself with love, which is what V-Day should be about—not only about loving others, but loving yourself, too."